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The Pressures of a Future Wife 

This falls under the category of the things that “they” never told you. I never expected to have any sort of worries once I got engaged. I never expected to feel this pressure to be a perfect wife…but I have.

I see all over Pinerest and Instagram these wives that seem perfect. They are adventurous and stylish and cooking all. the. time. and they work out with their husbands and bottom line – they’ve just got it going on, or so it seems. I want to be that for my husband because I think he deserves that (because he is pretty incredible) but I know I can’t. I know I will never measure up to this “perfect wife.” I thought to myself, I wasn’t ready to get married because I wasn’t gonna measure up to what a wife was suppose to be.

A few months ago I was told by someone that cooking was going to be one of the most important things in my marriage. Well of course I started freaking out because at that time I had absolutely no idea how to cook. I went to Reed crying because I felt like I wasn’t going to be a good enough wife for him and I wasn’t going to meet his expectations. He looked at me and told me that whether I could cook or not he did not care because he loves me for who I am and not what I can do for him.

It was at that point that I realized that I didn’t have to be this “Pinterest perfect wife” because no matter what, Reed loved my heart and that’s why he was marrying me. I didn’t have to worry about fulfilling all these things that a wife is suppose to do and look like. Once I stopped doing that I started to become WAY more excited to be a wife because I knew that no matter if I burned dinner, or forgot to wash clothes that day, it was going to be our own unique adventure because we are going to be doing it for the rest of our lives.

The truth that I learned is no one is 100% ready for marriage, but that’s the fun part of it. You get to succeed and fail and try again together. That’s what I’m the most excited about for my marriage, I get to figure it all out with my best friend. I get to experience the highs and lows of life, discover what we’re good at and not so good at with Reed. We’ve chosen each other face the challenges life brings us, even if that means we fail sometimes.

I also want to encourage you to not settle for someone who is more concerned with what you can do for them in your relationship/marriage than who you are. And when you do find that person, to talk about your expectations for your marriage. (That’s been one of the most insightful conversations we’ve had in our premarital counseling by the way). Building your life together with someone is so much fun, don’t let the pressures of the world take that away from you.

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4 Comments
  • Prestelle says:

    That’s awesome. It’s always nice to know these kind of things even before you get married. Thanks, Brighton and congratulations on the marriage. You and Reed are gonna have a great one.

  • Jana says:

    This reminds me of when I first got married and I was worried about cooking for my husband. The first supper I made for him was waffles because that was one of the only things that I knew how to “cook”.We’ve been married now for 28 years (that waffle meal doesn’t feel that long ago:) and I now know that true love between a husband & wife supersedes being “perfect”. You are beautiful inside and out and I wish the best to both of you.

  • Victoria says:

    So true! My husband and I got married 4 years ago at 22 and I still feel the “pinterest wife” pressure! Most of it I bring on myself from looking at pinterest too long and letting that perfectly curated world become my ideal. But that’s not realistic! I love that you are choosing each other for who God made you to be, not what you can do for each other. The best marriage advice I ever got was, “You and your husband make your own rules for your marriage”. That truth has really set me free and drawn us away from rules that society sets for marriage. Marriage will always be full of different seasons and emotions, but knowing that we make our own rules has given us the freedom to keep God on the throne – not our pinterest spouse goals. Keep pursuing God and each other!

    Also, I LOVE the honesty! It’s very refreshing to be reminded that we as wives are not alone in this journey!

  • Savannah says:

    Those are very encouraging words! I’m obsessed with Pinterest and even more obsessed with the “perfect wife” pins and I didn’t even realize it! Sometime you just get sucked into that sort of thing and you have a “oh crap will I be like that?!”, kinda moment. This helped me to take a step back and realize that you’re right, no one can be 100% ready, let alone perfect. Thank you!

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